Dearest Moony
by Paradox.bookjunkie
Summary: Sirius writes Remus a letter telling him that he's spending the summer at James's house. Groveling ensues. Twoshot complete with Remus's reaction letter.
1. Dearest Moony

_**Dearest Moony**_

**Summary:** Sirius writes Remus a letter telling him that he's spending the summer at James's house. Groveling ensues.

**Warnings: **slash pairing: don't like? Don't read.

**Rating: **T (Sirius groveling = minor swearing)

**Pairing(s): **Wolfstar (aka Paradox's OTfuckingP)

**Length:** Drabble (405)

**Disclaimer: **All characters belong to the wonderful J.K. Rowling. We've already realized that I can't write multi chaps, do you think I can write seven 500 page books? I don't think so, darling!

**Prompt: **(I saw this prompt on tumblr somewhere but can't remember where so don't kill me if it's from your site!) Sirius writes Remus a letter telling him that he's spending the summer at James's house.

* * *

Dearest Moony,

I am writing to you from the esteemed Potter household. (Esteemed being the operative word as at the moment James is literally whimpering Evans's name in his sleep. Merlin, he's sunk low hasn't he?) Anyways, you're probably wondering what exactly ol' Padfoot's doing shacked up here feasting on Mrs. Potter's cooking, eh?

I am pleased to inform you that I have joined the charcoaled embers of the damned.

And not in hell, if that's what you're thinking. (Though to hear that hag I call a mother's parting words to her loving son, it's as good as. But hey, if Mrs. Potter's cooking is the equivalent of rotting in hell, Devil take me!)

Mother's blasted me off the wall.

I'm not going to go into detail how I heroically saved your (and James's, Wormy and the entire non-pureblood population's) names from being tarnished. (Don't go thinking you're special now, Moony!) But I did.

Praise me, oh lowly peasant!

Just joking with you, of course. But seriously, Moony.

I deserve an award.

The reason I was writing to you in the first place was not to tell you of my brilliant acts of bravery. You know I can't help it Moony. I am a selfish bastard after all that was momentarily humble by admitting that, but I'm now going to ruin that wonderful effect (Then again, isn't every effect on me wonderful?) and demand something devastatingly easy and terribly selfish. (Though, in retrospect, everything I ask of you could fall under the same category…)

Moony, darling, would you _please _(someone better be recording this. Sirius Black actually said please!) Get your skinny, furry ass down here because I am insanely and incurably bored.

Yes, I know I'm spending the whole entire summer at one of my best mate's houses and there is no reason on this earth why I should be bored, but we've already determined that I'm inhumanely handsome, maybe the same can be said about the rest of me.

I also acknowledge the fact that I'm a right old prick and that I deserve nothing short of rotting in a hole until my dying days, which are hopefully soon and full of pain and sorrow.

Just get your ass down here.

Yours in handsome pleading-ness,

The Most Selfish-y Selfish Bastard in the World,

Sirius Black

P.S. See if you can drag Pete out from whatever hole he's hiding in without him crumbling into a heap of ashes or something.

P.P.S. I may or may not have chocolate.

(HE DOESN'T)

P.P.P.S. Ignore James, Remus, he's lying.

P.P.P.P.S. _Chocolate_, Remus. I mean, come on.

**A/N – So, something new. How'd you like it?**

**Big Question:**

**Should I write a Remus reaction fic to it? It would probably also just be a short little drabble. **

**I don't know.**

**Review, rant, critique, flame, I don't care. **

**Just tell me how it was!**


	2. Dear Padfoot

_**Dear Padfoot**_

**Summary:** Sirius writes Remus a letter telling him that he's spending the summer at James's house. Groveling ensues. 

**Warnings: **slash pairing: don't like? Don't read. *There is a bit of offensive wording used towards the LGBT community. Please keep in mind that it was simply in the character and that those are not my true opinions.

**Rating: **T (Minor swearing)

**Pairing(s): **Wolfstar (aka Paradox's OTfuckingP)

**Length:** Drabble ()

**Disclaimer: **All characters belong to the wonderful J.K. Rowling. We've already realized that I can't write multi chaps, do you think I can write seven 500 page books? I don't think so, darling! 

**Prompt: **I was asked by the wonderful Elphie (booksdefygravity) to continue with Remus's reaction letter.

**(NOTE: This is written in a style that may confuse you, as I basically answered/ commented on each paragraph by answering with a separate paragraph. Any mistakes are mine, as I have no beta!)**

Dear Padfoot,

I'm glad to hear you are well, even though you have "joined the charcoaled embers of the damned". I, however, have not joined anything, unless there's a club for those who have slept in until two in the afternoon and done absolutely nothing in their summer holiday.

I am nearly one hundred percent certain that I sold my soul to the Devil the moment you and Prongs stepped into my compartment on the Hogwarts train, so I've grown quite accustomed to the fiery seats of hell.

Oh, wait don't tell me! I know your mother's tangents by heart. She mentioned that James's mother is a Muggleborn, called him a Half-Blood, called me a 'pouf', a 'dog', a 'mongrel' and she absolutely completely forgot to mention Peter because there is nothing wrong with him except for his weight, and she can't really say anything about _that_ without sounding like a bloody hypocrite, can she? Oh, and she probably called the lot of us 'misfits' or something of the sort.

Yes, I am special, and I will think whatever I bloody well please!

Sirius, it is odd that you talk of your heroic acts when you went completely ballistic over that frog that jumped out of the lake last year. "Yes I'm Sirius fucking Black. I'm the most manly man around, but I snog boys and am absolutely terrified of frogs."

Oh, and what about the fact that you can't _stand_ the taste of tea? I mean, what man who was _born in Britain_ does not like the taste of _tea_?

No, but really. I will never understand your distrust in tea. It is completely unprecedented.

Yes, I know you don't know what that means.

No, I'm not going to tell you, Padfoot.

Go look it up.

Oh, yes, call the one who enables you to get above a T in every subject a peasant. That'll work out well for you in the end.

He admits it! Yes, Sirius, asking me to do things like, oh, I don't know, provoke Peeves or make (_illegal!_) potions - or a replica of a flying carpet for that matter- is _incredibly _selfish, and most definitely _not _devastatingly easy.

Padfoot, I have told you several times that you are not the male version of Mrs. Potter. Do. Not. "_Darling_". Me.

And my arse is not furry.

(And Padfoot, trust me, you're just as vain and conceited as the next git. There's nothing inhuman about you.)

The problem is that you _are_ old prick and deserve nothing short of rotting in a hole until my dying days, but the image of Sirius Black rotting in a hole is quite enjoyable, so I think I'd have prolonged your lifetime, just in order to see you suffer.

Yes, I will get my ass down there.

Sometime in the near future.

By the way, Pete was not hiding in a hole, but in a garbage can when I found him. He still won't tell me why he was there, but I predict it was something to do with getting stuck in his rat form. (Good Lord, has he still not mastered the transformation yet? He's had such a long time!)

And no, Sirius, he did not crumble into ashes. Please try to be serious.

…No pun intended.

With love,

Remus

**A/N: I have a headcanon that Sirius has an irrational distrust in tea. I don't know why, I just do. **


End file.
